Self-trust is, well, exactly what it sounds like: trusting oneself. It’s the idea that you trust
yourself to take care of yourself, no matter what. You trust yourself to show up for yourself; to
follow through. You know you’ll keep your word to yourself.
But why is it important?
Self-Trust helps us take the risks necessary to change our lives.
If you’ve been following my blog for awhile, you’ll know that taking risks is necessary to
success in life. In order to change our lives; go after that job, change our habits, start that business,
find that relationship, we need to take risks. We need to do things we have never done before
and aren’t sure how to do. We need to be vulnerable.
And we need to be willing to fail. Because we will.
Trusting ourselves helps us be able to take these risks and support ourselves when we
inevitably fail. When we tell ourselves, “no matter what happens, I will have my own back. I will
treat myself with kindness. I will not make failure mean something about me”, we are able to
show up in ways we just can’t show up in when we don’t trust ourselves.
When we don’t trust ourselves to be kind or supportive to ourselves, why would we bother
taking risks? The thought of failure becomes too painful when we believe we are going to
berate or punish ourselves for it.
We also need to trust ourselves to do the things necessary for success like getting up early, creating that course, saying no to things, etc. No matter what. No matter how hard it gets. No matter how many times we mess it up, we keep going.
We need to trust that we will actually DO the action items necessary to reach a goal.
Simply put: If you want to change your life, you need to take risks and be willing to fail. In order
to do that, you need to trust that you will take the necessary steps to reach your goal, and stick
with it, no matter what and that you will be kind and supportive to yourself in the process.
Self-trust helps us when shit gets hard
When we fail, when we lose a job, money, a loved one; when shit hits the fan- self-trust helps
us through. It builds resilience.
When we trust ourselves to be kind to ourselves, to be gentle with ourselves and to give
ourselves what we need, tough times become a bit easier, because we know we are supported.
And every time we show up for ourselves when shit gets hard, we continue to build resilience.
So the next time shit gets hard, we can remind ourselves “I got through that... so I can get
through this”.
Self-trust helps us make decisions
Not surprisingly, when we trust ourselves, it is easier to make decisions. We trust our intuition
more and know that we will make decisions that are in our own best interest. We also are less
likely to get into or stay in relationships that aren’t good for us, because we trust ourselves to
give ourselves what we need, rather than hoping to get it from someone else (and we are more
likely to listen to that voice that says something about this isn’t right). And when it ends, we
know we will get through it by having our own back.
So how can I build self-trust?
Self-trust is something that is built over time and in small moments (but often during big
events).
One way we can build it is through making small changes that we follow through with. So
instead of deciding we are going to change everything in our lives at once to meet a goal, we
start with one thing. One small manageable thing. And then we do it. We stick with it. We work
towards changing one thing. And once we’ve done that, it becomes easier to do the next thing,
because have built some trust that we can make changes.
Often when we decide to change everything at once we get overwhelmed and then we don’t
change anything. Then we use it as evidence that we can’t be trusted, “I can’t do that” or “I’ve
never been able to do that” and therefore nothing ever changes.
But once we commit to one small change and see results, we can use that as motivation and
proof that we can in fact be trusted, we can in fact make changes. And then we can implement
the next change. And the next one. And they can get bigger and bigger.
When things are challenging and we figure out a way to do it anyway, we build confidence
along with self-trust. Then we feel confident in our ability to overcome challenges and problem-
solve and we apply that to the next change or challenge.
Another way to help build self-trust is when things are difficult or challenging, ask yourself:
What do I need right now?
And
How can I show up for myself (meet that need)?
That could be anything from rest, to saying no to something, to pushing ourselves, to just not
being a jerk to ourselves.
And then we do that thing that we need.
And we begin to build trust with ourselves, which makes it easier to do the thing next time.
Here’s a few questions you can journal about that can also help you build self-trust:
What are ways that I have shown up for myself in the past/Had my own back?
What is one thing I can do to build my own self-trust ?
What is a thought that is available to me that helps build self-trust?
It may not always be the easiest, but it is fucking life changing. Every day we have the
opportunity to build trust with ourselves. We are laying the foundation to self-trust, one act or
moment or kind thought at a time. Don’t under estimate the power of that. With every act it
gets easier, until one day, you don’t even really have to think about it. You just trust that you’ll
show up for yourself... and you will!