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  • Olive Von Topp

Cultivate Love & Pleasure this Valentine's Day: Single's Edition

Updated: Apr 20

Let’s face it, Valentine’s Day is kind of bullshit.


For the most part, it’s a commercial holiday that capitalizes on feelings. If you’re single and you want a relationship, it can be a really painful reminder that you don’t have one.


Even if you don’t want a relationship, Valentine’s day can still bring up feelings and is a reminder of the importance society places on being in a relationship. But don’t worry, you can reclaim Valentine’s Day; turn it back into what it was always supposed to be about: love.


Here are a few ways to cultivate more self-love this Valentines:



1. Examine Your Thoughts


I know it can be hard but spend some time examining your thoughts. Even journaling about them. Here are some prompts:

  • What meaning are you giving this day?

  • What are you making it mean about you?

  • Are you making it mean something about being single?

  • Are you placing judgment on being single?

  • Are you making it mean something about your worth?


How do you feel when you think these thoughts? Do you find yourself feeling sad and resentful? Bitter? Lonely?


And how do you act when you feel these feelings? Do you eat a ton of ice-cream? Do you lash out at your mom? Do you avoid people? Do you binge watch TV?


Then ask yourself; Do I want to feel this way? (cuz sometimes you do) If not, you can choose to feel a different way. If you want to feel happy, or calm, or peaceful, or even neutral, what thoughts would you need to be having about Valentine’s Day to feel that way?


Some new thoughts might be:

  • It’s just a day

  • I’m going to use today to practice self-love

  • I’m excited to spend a day celebrating me/love/myself

  • I love myself

  • There is nothing wrong with being single

  • I love being single

  • Things are hard right now but they won’t always be

  • I am enough

  • I don’t need a relationship to be fulfilled

  • My life is full of love


You choose a thought or thoughts that work for you. But you have to believe them. When you notice yourself acting a certain way or feeling a certain way- ask yourself what you are thinking? Take a moment to feel the feeling that thought creates. Then introduce one of the new thoughts that makes you feel better.




2. Self-care the shit outta yourself


Whatever that looks like for you. Make the day about you and your self care. Preferably the feel good kinda self-care (cuz not all self-care feels good in the moment).


Pamper yourself, eat foods that nourish you, move your body, have a luxurious bath, drink water, adorn yourself, put on a cute ass outfit, wear your favourite scent, get a massage. Whatever it looks like. Just show yourself some love.




3. Connect with people you love


It is a day of love after all. Ask yourself:


Who do you like spending time with?

Who lights you up?

Makes you laugh?

Can you connect with them either a phone call, walk, or virtual hang?


Watch a movie together. Play a game. Have drinks. Whatever. But if you are prone to feeling extra lonely on this day, put some hangouts in place.




4. Have a sexy dance party


Either by yourself or online with friends. Put on a sexy outfit. Turn the lights down low and the music up. Get sweaty harnessing your erotic energy.




5. Write yourself a love letter


This is pretty self-explanatory, but write yourself a letter or list about all the things you love about yourself. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. All your skills and talents. Challenges you have overcome. Just basically, write about all the ways you are a bad B*!ch.


You can even ask friends and loved ones for input.




6. Buy yourself a sexy new something


A new toy, a new outfit, a workshop for something sexy, a sexy book. Whatever it is, make is sexy.




7. Seek Pleasure


Can you spend the day doing little things that bring you pleasure? Things that feel good in your body. Whether it is moving in ways that feel good, eating things that feel good, sitting in the sun reading, masturbating, having a hot shower, if it brings you pleasure, do it.


Can you also seek to find pleasure in new ways? Especially in masturbation. Can you touch yourself in new ways? Linger longer. Graze your thighs, elbow creases, neck ever so gently. Introduce a new toy. Explore your genitals. Instead of just going from point A to point O as quickly as you can, can you spend more time, exploring, lingering, absorbing, basking in all the pleasure that your body can experience?




8. Romance yourself


Buy yourself flowers, chocolates, a nice dinner. Listen to sexy music. Put on a sexy outfit. Touch yourself tenderly. Do whatever makes you feel good that you might want a partner to provide.


You may be surprised at how much you can fulfill your own needs.




9. Do a sexy photoshoot or learn a sexy strip tease


Do it just for you. Just to feel sexy. To inhabit your body. To access your erotic energy. To document your beauty. And to remember you are a sexy ass creature.


These are just a few ideas for helping to cultivate more self-love & reclaim Valentine’s Day. Remember no matter what you do, it’s just a day, and nothing, not even a hallmark holiday, can touch your worth. Now go on and love your bad self.